Wednesday, January 23, 2013

My 5 Year Old Needs Deoderant and Baby Nasties

Today after school, we walked in the door and my 5 year old immediately changed into her "relaxing" clothes, which today consisted of a pair of skivvies and her robe. We were all sitting on the couch and I saw her with her face all up in her armpit, like seriously. Then she said to me "Mom it smells bad under here" I asked her where and she pointed to her armpit. Now when you become a mom you smell A LOT of things and almost always you wish you hadn't, so of course forgetting about this I stuck my head down and took a big whiff. I mean seriously 5 year old girl armpit, how bad could it be? 
 Let me tell you she has some genuine BO, I really didn't think my sweet little lady could smell like that. Is it normal for someone so little to have BO problems? You tell me. Later in the tub she said, "I only smell like this because we have never washed my armpits" for the record this is completely false.When she got out of the tub after a quick smell check she ran around saying "I smell so fresh and clean"

But back to my point above moms, noses, and smelly things. Before I was a mom there are certain things I would never do
-Clean up vomit
-Change a poopy 2 year old
-Change said poopy 2 year olds soiled underwear
-Eat a child's half-eaten sandwich
-Drink after a child who clearly backwashed- there is really no question when you see half their snack floatin' on down.
- Have children at all

I am the oldest of 8, so I spent many long hours in the hospital waiting for my mom to give birth.When I was the ripe old age of 11 waiting for my sweet sister Lacie to be born, I decided I had been waiting too long. I mean come on it had already been 2 hours, how long could it really take to have a baby? So I decided to go on down to the room and check it out, clearly they were all holding the baby and eating pizza without me, and then it happened, the moment that changed my life forever. I came to the door and the nurse was walking back inside to take supplies, this is how it went down
Me- "is she almost done?"
Nurse- "No, but come on in "
Me- "um, no that's okay"
Nurse- "It's fine, come on" as she proceeds to push me into the room
It was one of those times when you don't want to but you really can't do anything but look. It was the sickest thing I had ever seen, legs, stirrups, baby stuff, and the atmosphere was that of an upscale cocktail party. I screamed, covered my face and ran out. I was NEVER going to have kids from that point forward. For the record nurses and future nurses, never shove an 11 year old into their mother's birthing room, just don't.

This story was inspired by my tweet convo with Kelsey, Andrea and Chelsea regarding people putting too many baby nasties on Facebook, such as a cervix dilation play by play. 

TMI people, yes it is a miracle, and yes I still wish I could be pregnant, close my eyes and wake up with a beautiful clean soft bundle of baby in my arms. If I were in charge women would be able to have babies, but without all the baby nasties. 

Question of the day: What do you dislike people sharing on social media? 
You can still link up with me and Paige for What's Eating You?


  1. Yes people totally TMI on social media sometimes. I don't want graphic detail of bodily functions and such! That is too funny that your little girl was under the impression that her armpits never get washed, lol. Sorry you had to smell that though! :)

  2. Ew, their bloody show?! Seriously!? Camera phones...I have a love hate with those. I work in an ER and people take nasty pictures of their bloody discharge and show it to me when they come in. Seriously, I believe you! I don't need to see a pic you snapped of it!! gah!

  3. Hahaha ... what is that anyways? Why do the little ones all the sudden have some body odor coming from their armpits!


  4. Wow, been following you on Twitter all along and didn't realize I hadn't linked up on your site! Now following via Networked Blogs, GFC, and Bloglovin'.

    Would love to pick your ear about giveaways, too...:)


  5. Thankfully, I've never seen any baby nasties posted on FB. Love reading this post, it's so true, yet still funny.


I LOVE all your comments and I read every single one!
Make sure you are not a no-reply blogger so you can get a reply :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Pin It button on image hover